MARRIAGE

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MARRIAGE

Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken lightly. It is important to make the right decision before taking the step. This is as a result of my friend’s experience. She made a mistake before her marriage and realized that it was not based on sex and reproduction only but on love, trust, communication, tolerance, sharing, respect, commitment, attention, time, patience, openness, honesty, consideration, generosity, compromise, and partnership. In this article, we will be discussing the following subtopics:









Dating Corner With Sarah

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What is considered marriage?
What defines a marriage?
The purpose of marriage.
Promises of marriage.
Types of marriage.
Questions you need to ask your partner before settling down.
Which is better divorce and separation based on my understanding?

We will conclude the article by summarizing the important points discussed in the subtopics above.

According to Oxford Languages, marriage is a legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship, specifically a union between a man and a woman. Biblically, it is an eternal concept meant to be a loving, intimate, selfless relationship between a man and a woman that lasts through eternity. As you enter into marriage, remember that you are already one, so in anything you do to your spouse, put yourself in her shoes.

To have a good and satisfying marriage, certain factors must be in place. Love, trust, communication, tolerance, sharing, respect, commitment, attention, time, patience, openness, honesty, consideration, generosity, compromise, and partnership are all important. However, the key factor that should not be overlooked is prayer. When you exhibit all these factors in your relationship, you are ready for a lifetime commitment.

Love is a deep feeling of attraction. It doesn’t come suddenly, it grows. It’s important to like someone before you become friends with him or her. After some time, you notice some positive changes and your feelings start to grow. You will be convinced it’s love. It’s important to be sure that you love someone before taking other steps. Never force it, don’t assume it, and don’t confuse it with pity.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship because it allows you to show your vulnerable side to the other person. Trusting someone is a gradual process, and it brings comfort and increases closeness. To build trust, ensure that your partner’s actions align with their words. They must fulfill their promises, show actions not just bluffing, be mature enough to handle challenges, show deep affection, apologize when you are wrong, improve on your mistakes, and engage in open communication.

Communication is an essential part of our daily lives. It involves exchanging information through speaking and writing. We often use communication to express our thoughts, opinions, ideas, and choices. In a relationship, communication is crucial if you want your partner to know everything about you, including your fears, and dos and don’ts. Being transparent and open is key to building a strong relationship.
Effective communication involves more than just exchanging information; it’s about understanding the emotions and intentions behind the information. To communicate effectively, you need to have certain skills, such as active listening, choosing the right communication method, being friendly, and confident, sharing feedback, speaking, showing empathy, and respecting others.
It’s important to be clear in your communication and work on developing these skills. Trust me; it will help you be at peace.
Sharing is defined as using or occupying something jointly with others. If you have been alone for some time, you may have gotten used to using things alone, but now that you are with others, you need to learn to share space and things with them. It’s a gradual process but you will get used to it later on.

Honesty is an important aspect of any relationship. Be honest with your partner and expect the same in return.

Generosity is also essential in any relationship. Be kind and give to your partner and others around you. Be helpful whenever possible.

Purpose of Marriage
Marriage has various purposes. It is a covenant established by God, and the law must be obeyed. During marriage, vows are taken, and they must be fulfilled (a promise to God). After marriage, the couple starts building a family together.

The purpose of marriage is to fulfill God’s word, for companionship, reproduction, and redemption. Companionship is the first purpose of marriage. “It is not good for the man to be alone,” so God created a helper for him. Women are designed to be helpers, and men are not meant to be alone. Since they become one in marriage, they have fulfilled the word of God in their lives. Proverbs 18:22(KJV) says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.” Therefore, finding a wife is crucial to finding favor in God’s sight.

For reproduction: Genesis 1:27-28(KJV) reads “So God created man in his image, in the image of God created he; male and female. And God blessed them and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply”. Psalms 127:3 states “Children are a heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward”. Having children is considered the reward of marriage.

For redemption: The third purpose of marriage is redemption. The covenant of marriage was established so that both of them would come together and be saved from their sins.

Promises of marriage

During holy matrimony, the man and woman make promises (Wedding vows) in the presence of God. Promises must be fulfilled as God doesn’t like it when a promise is made and not fulfilled, it’s a sin. When you attend a church wedding ceremony, you will hear couples exchanging vows and making promises to remain faithful. Below are the vows taken:

“I,___, take you, ____ to be my wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death we do part. Amen”.

Then the priest will say to the congregation, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Woe to anyone that tries to separate a couple for they have sinned before God.”

Types of Marriage
In the Bible, the only recognized form of marriage is a Church marriage. However, in today’s world, we have different types of marriages as listed below:

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1. Church marriage: This is a marriage that takes place in the presence of God and is usually conducted by a pastor or priest. The couple exchange vows and promises to each other and God is considered the sole witness to their union. This type of marriage holds great spiritual significance and must be fulfilled in God’s presence.

2. Islamic marriage: This is a marriage that takes place in a mosque and is conducted according to Islamic customs. It is witnessed by Allah and other Islamic leaders. Muslim men are allowed to marry more than one wife.

3. Traditional marriage/Engagement: This is a marriage that takes place in the bride’s family home and is witnessed by her family members. The groom presents gifts and a bride price to the bride’s family, which is displayed during the event to show that a settlement has been reached between the families.

4. Customary marriage: This is a legal marriage recognized by the law of the country. The couple is joined together in court, and a marriage certificate is issued as evidence of their union.
Before entering into a serious relationship, it is important to check for compatibility in blood genotype. There are different types of blood genotypes: AA (general blood genotype, compatible with any other genotype), AS, SS, AC, CC, and SC. AA+AA, AA+AS, AA+SS, AA+AC, AA+CC, and AA+SC are all positive. AS+AS, AS+SS, AS+AC, and AS+CC are all negative. SS+CC is negative. AC is rare, and SC and SS are irregular, often causing sickle cell disease.

After checking blood genotype compatibility, it is important to undergo additional medical tests. Discussing the following questions can also be helpful:

– Bills, careers, finance, dream home, parenting style, family influence, sex expectations, childhood trauma, partner expectations, and beliefs to be instilled in children.

– Family health history: It is important to know if there are any generational diseases in the family, such as cancer, high blood pressure, or heart attacks.
– Religion (especially if there are two different religions).
– Career/Education: If you plan on furthering your education, it’s important to discuss whether your partner is supportive of your goals, and if you prefer being a housewife or working class.

It’s important to pray and follow God’s directions in your relationship. By taking these necessary steps and having open communication with your partner, you can help avoid future accidents and build a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
It may seem trivial, but discussing certain preferences before marriage can prevent disagreements from arising down the line. Here are some examples:

– Sleeping with lights on or off: Some people prefer the lights on while others prefer them off. It’s important to discuss and make adjustments to accommodate each other’s preferences.

– Fresh meals daily or refrigerated: Some people prefer freshly cooked meals over refrigerated ones. If your partner comes home late and wants a freshly cooked meal, it’s important to discuss and find a solution that works for both of you.

– Leaving the toilet seat open or closed: Some people prefer to leave the toilet seat open while others prefer to close it after use. It’s important to discuss and make adjustments to accommodate each other’s preferences.

– AC or fan: Some people prefer air conditioning while others prefer a fan. It’s important to discuss and find a solution that works for both of you.

– Naked to bed or clothed: Some people prefer to sleep naked while others prefer to wear clothes to bed. It’s important to discuss and make adjustments to accommodate each other’s preferences.

– Slippers indoors or barefoot: Some people prefer to wear slippers indoors while others prefer to be barefoot. It’s important to discuss and make adjustments to accommodate each other’s preferences.

– Loud or soft music: Some people prefer loud music while others prefer soft music. It’s important to discuss and find a solution that works for both of you.

– Toothpaste pressed from the bottom or middle: Some people prefer to press toothpaste from the bottom while others prefer to press it from the middle. It’s important to discuss and make adjustments to accommodate each other’s preferences.

When it comes to courtship, there are several important questions that need to be addressed:

– Housing: If your partner already has their own house or has rented one, that’s great. However, living with their family can lead to disrespect and the possibility of interference in the marriage. It’s better to ask about living arrangements before tying the knot.

-Children: Discuss whether you want to have children right away or wait a bit after the wedding. This is a decision that should be made jointly between partners.

– Finances: It’s important to determine how bills will be paid. Will it be a joint responsibility, or will one partner take on more financial responsibility?

– Family members: Decide whether any family members will be living with you. While it’s not uncommon for couples to allow family members to stay with them, it’s important to set boundaries and establish rules.

-Employment: Determine whether your partner wants a full-time housewife or a working wife. It’s important to respect each other’s choices and come to an agreement that works for both partners.

I understand that you are questioning which is better between divorce or separation. Please note that what I suggest here might not be the best solution for you.

In situations where a man cheats outside his marriage, it can be a difficult decision to make whether to stay or leave. As a woman, I believe that it is a personal decision to make. However, it is important to note that cheating should not be condoned in any marriage or relationship.

Many people say that men can cheat on their wives and still be loved, while women are not forgiven when they cheat because they do so with emotions. Personally, I do not have the inclination to cheat in a relationship. When I am dating someone, that person is the only one for me.

As humans, we pray not to marry a cheating spouse. If a husband cheats and apologizes, it may be possible to forgive him. However, if it becomes a pattern, it is no longer a mistake but a choice. The Bible also prohibits adultery in Matthew chapter 5 and 19.

If you have a cheating husband who still fulfills his duties in the house, it is important to take certain actions. You can pray for him, have an honest conversation about your concerns, and seek advice from a marriage counselor or someone you trust. Divorce or separation should be a last resort, especially if there are children involved. Love alone is not enough, and other factors should be considered before making a decision.
In conclusion, it’s important to have open communication and be willing to make adjustments to accommodate each other’s preferences. Avoid discussing your home affairs with friends and family and instead, put your hope in Christ to help resolve any issues that may arise.

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